About Expectations and the Family Vacation
Author: Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant
Article:
It’s that time of year again: Time for the family vacation. It’s
a good time to rethink some things like perfectionism,
expectations, and the meaning of the word “vacation.”
First of all, we call it a “vacation,” but if you’re the parent,
it isn’t going to be one. Maybe I was slow, but it took me quite
a while to figure out that I, the parent (and a single-parent at
that), was going to work even harder on a vacation than at home,
and that it wouldn’t be a relaxing time for me. After all, I was
taking the boys to new places where they would be full of new
ideas, and it always required more supervision than at home. As
soon as we hit the beach, outrageous demands began. One ran one
way, the other another. Being in a new place, they weren’t sure
what the rules were, and they had to be re-established. Being
around new things, they weren’t always as cautious as they
should be, and I had to be vigilant. They got sick, got fishing
hooks in their thumbs, stepped on man-o-wars, the rental car got
a flat, the resort room’s air conditioning broke and we had to
pack up and change rooms, and more than once someone was
throwing up all night long. While we always had a wonderful
time, and I always returned happy (and of course the kids did),
I often returned more tired than when I’d left!
I began to name these “The Kids’ Vacations,” just so I kept my
expectations in line with reality, and to plan
vacation-vacations for myself – getaways where I could relax in
ways I needed to. The Kids’ Vacations were for having fun as a
family! And kids don’t need a “vacation.” They’re always high
energy and on-the-go, yes?
Here are some things to keep in mind as you plan and take the
family vacation that can keep you from unrealistic expectations
which will erode your experience:
1.Kids are likely to become more boisterous on a vacation,
because of all the new fun things. New experiences and new
situations will present things they haven’t encountered before,
so you have to be on guard about their safety on a constant
basis. Try and GO rested; don’t plan on COMING HOME rested.
2.Think of it as a fun adventure for the family where you get to
know one another better and spend time together under new
circumstances. Then whatever happens will fall in line.
3.There are more options all the time where childcare is also
available. Many resorts and cruise lines offer programs for
children and teens that provide great activities, supervision,
and a chance for them to make new friends, while giving you some
adult time to yourself. Consider this option.
4.Consider bringing along a mother’s helper, or older niece or
nephew, or willing grandmother to help with the children.
5.Because it’s all new, anticipate some irregularities, and
relax into the situation. It’s typical when we get stressed to
tighten up and become rigid and this only makes things worse.
Use your emotional intelligence to be flexible and creative. If
your child has never been fishing before, or never been to a
bit-city museum, you can’t anticipate all the things they can go
wrong, so don’t be surprised if they do. It’s part of new
learning experiences. If they’ve never participated in formal
night on a cruise, their table manners may not be quite in line.
Anticipate what you can. Deal with what happens.
6.If you intend to have a great time together, don’t let
anything get in your way. There’s no reason why a visit to the
ER should “ruin your vacation,” any more than a few tantrums,
some embarrassing table manners, a flat tire, or missed plan
connections should. Your experience of your vacation is in your
own hands.
7.Plan ahead for the predictable – high spirits, moments of
boredom, and fights with siblings. You’ve dealt with these at
home, and they will accompany you on your trip. Think of ways to
deal with these under new circumstances – in the car, plane,
resort, tourist sights, and be prepared with the materials you
need. A kit with magic markers, some ear phones, a journal or a
good book to read can make the difference.
8.Anticipate testing of the limits. It will only throw you if it
comes as a surprise. Children do this in any new situation, and
a vacation is full of them. Apply the same measures you do at
home – make it clear where the boundaries are, be consistent,
pleasant, and anticipate the best.
9.Understand that children will rev up for a vacation, not calm
down. Some adults do this as well, of course. Some of us plan
vacations where we can relax and rest; others plan
mountain-climbing adventures, and barefoot sailing. Some of us
plan both! Be mindful about what comes with the territory.
10.Allow times for children to work off their energy. Plan
breaks during long car trips. Take them for a run on the beach
before you go to the art museum. After the formal dinner with
Aunt Betty, turn them loose in the courtyard to run around a bit.
11.Discuss expectations beforehand. Explain what you can, and
what sort of behavior you expect in different circumstances. You
can’t cover everything, but you can cover a lot. One thing
that’s very important with smaller children is “coming when
called.” You can also buy those harnesses for errant toddlers,
for their own safety and your piece of mind.
12.Be sure and provide safety equipment – car seats, restraints,
life jackets and such. Bring along syrup of ipecac, epinephrine,
and other things your physician may recommend for emergencies.
Carry a first-aid kit with bandages, Neosporin and tweezers. The
same sort of equipment you have at home. Because a vacation
provides new situations, accidents can be more likely to occur.
Last but not least, process after each vacation. What did you
plan well, what did you plan poorly? What worked and what
didn’t? What would you do again, and what would it be best to
avoid? What would you do differently? Get the whole family
involved in the discussion, so everyone becomes mindful.
And don’t forget the most important thing: find out what
everyone enjoyed the most. Be sure and go over the good times
with the family, and make plans for more in the future.
About the author:
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs, Internet
courses, teleclasses and ebooks around emotional intelligence.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. I train and certify EQ
coaches. Email me for info.
Article:
It’s that time of year again: Time for the family vacation. It’s
a good time to rethink some things like perfectionism,
expectations, and the meaning of the word “vacation.”
First of all, we call it a “vacation,” but if you’re the parent,
it isn’t going to be one. Maybe I was slow, but it took me quite
a while to figure out that I, the parent (and a single-parent at
that), was going to work even harder on a vacation than at home,
and that it wouldn’t be a relaxing time for me. After all, I was
taking the boys to new places where they would be full of new
ideas, and it always required more supervision than at home. As
soon as we hit the beach, outrageous demands began. One ran one
way, the other another. Being in a new place, they weren’t sure
what the rules were, and they had to be re-established. Being
around new things, they weren’t always as cautious as they
should be, and I had to be vigilant. They got sick, got fishing
hooks in their thumbs, stepped on man-o-wars, the rental car got
a flat, the resort room’s air conditioning broke and we had to
pack up and change rooms, and more than once someone was
throwing up all night long. While we always had a wonderful
time, and I always returned happy (and of course the kids did),
I often returned more tired than when I’d left!
I began to name these “The Kids’ Vacations,” just so I kept my
expectations in line with reality, and to plan
vacation-vacations for myself – getaways where I could relax in
ways I needed to. The Kids’ Vacations were for having fun as a
family! And kids don’t need a “vacation.” They’re always high
energy and on-the-go, yes?
Here are some things to keep in mind as you plan and take the
family vacation that can keep you from unrealistic expectations
which will erode your experience:
1.Kids are likely to become more boisterous on a vacation,
because of all the new fun things. New experiences and new
situations will present things they haven’t encountered before,
so you have to be on guard about their safety on a constant
basis. Try and GO rested; don’t plan on COMING HOME rested.
2.Think of it as a fun adventure for the family where you get to
know one another better and spend time together under new
circumstances. Then whatever happens will fall in line.
3.There are more options all the time where childcare is also
available. Many resorts and cruise lines offer programs for
children and teens that provide great activities, supervision,
and a chance for them to make new friends, while giving you some
adult time to yourself. Consider this option.
4.Consider bringing along a mother’s helper, or older niece or
nephew, or willing grandmother to help with the children.
5.Because it’s all new, anticipate some irregularities, and
relax into the situation. It’s typical when we get stressed to
tighten up and become rigid and this only makes things worse.
Use your emotional intelligence to be flexible and creative. If
your child has never been fishing before, or never been to a
bit-city museum, you can’t anticipate all the things they can go
wrong, so don’t be surprised if they do. It’s part of new
learning experiences. If they’ve never participated in formal
night on a cruise, their table manners may not be quite in line.
Anticipate what you can. Deal with what happens.
6.If you intend to have a great time together, don’t let
anything get in your way. There’s no reason why a visit to the
ER should “ruin your vacation,” any more than a few tantrums,
some embarrassing table manners, a flat tire, or missed plan
connections should. Your experience of your vacation is in your
own hands.
7.Plan ahead for the predictable – high spirits, moments of
boredom, and fights with siblings. You’ve dealt with these at
home, and they will accompany you on your trip. Think of ways to
deal with these under new circumstances – in the car, plane,
resort, tourist sights, and be prepared with the materials you
need. A kit with magic markers, some ear phones, a journal or a
good book to read can make the difference.
8.Anticipate testing of the limits. It will only throw you if it
comes as a surprise. Children do this in any new situation, and
a vacation is full of them. Apply the same measures you do at
home – make it clear where the boundaries are, be consistent,
pleasant, and anticipate the best.
9.Understand that children will rev up for a vacation, not calm
down. Some adults do this as well, of course. Some of us plan
vacations where we can relax and rest; others plan
mountain-climbing adventures, and barefoot sailing. Some of us
plan both! Be mindful about what comes with the territory.
10.Allow times for children to work off their energy. Plan
breaks during long car trips. Take them for a run on the beach
before you go to the art museum. After the formal dinner with
Aunt Betty, turn them loose in the courtyard to run around a bit.
11.Discuss expectations beforehand. Explain what you can, and
what sort of behavior you expect in different circumstances. You
can’t cover everything, but you can cover a lot. One thing
that’s very important with smaller children is “coming when
called.” You can also buy those harnesses for errant toddlers,
for their own safety and your piece of mind.
12.Be sure and provide safety equipment – car seats, restraints,
life jackets and such. Bring along syrup of ipecac, epinephrine,
and other things your physician may recommend for emergencies.
Carry a first-aid kit with bandages, Neosporin and tweezers. The
same sort of equipment you have at home. Because a vacation
provides new situations, accidents can be more likely to occur.
Last but not least, process after each vacation. What did you
plan well, what did you plan poorly? What worked and what
didn’t? What would you do again, and what would it be best to
avoid? What would you do differently? Get the whole family
involved in the discussion, so everyone becomes mindful.
And don’t forget the most important thing: find out what
everyone enjoyed the most. Be sure and go over the good times
with the family, and make plans for more in the future.
About the author:
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs, Internet
courses, teleclasses and ebooks around emotional intelligence.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. I train and certify EQ
coaches. Email me for info.
posted by Twain Harte Vacation Rental Guy | 4/06/2006 02:18:00 AM
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